The Story of Uganda--the second time around

This is a ridiculously long post, just to warn you :)

I have always heard that God has a sense of humor. I have always heard that God works in the ways we least expect Him to. Now I know that both are true. Just over a year ago I was constantly answering the question, “When will you come back to our country?” by saying a routine, “I don’t know, that’s up to God, but I sure would love to come back.” All the while I was actually thinking, “Are you kidding? I doubt I’ll ever come back. I’ve loved my time here, but coming back? I don’t think so.” God does have a sense of humor, though, because soon after I returned home, I began to sense a desire in my heart to teach overseas, and while I was open to going anywhere, I felt the strongest desire was to go back to Uganda.

At times I questioned whether that desire came from missing the relationships I developed in Uganda and the experiences I had there, or whether I truly had a passion for the place and really wanted to go back. After all, I made three awesome life-long friends while I was there, and developed bonds that could only come from the unique experiences we shared together. I grew incredibly close to a great leader, and constantly benefitted from her encouragement and support. I constantly reminded myself that going back would be entirely different, as thirty-five other American students would not accompany me, and I would not have the three best friends that I left with. But the desire still remained, and continued to grow even stronger, and I knew it was for real.

Another part of me questioned my motivation for wanting to go back. Maybe it wasn’t from God at all. Maybe instead it was a selfish desire. My first trip there resulted in the opportunity to share my stories with a huge number of people that I probably never would have communicated with had I not been in Uganda. I enjoyed that. I loved writing my stories and sharing them with so many others. I loved reading their responses, and being amazing by how many people were praying for me and encouraging me. Maybe what I was desiring was to once again be in contact with such a large number of encouraging people.

Let’s get back to God’s sense of humor, though, and how He works in ways we would never imagine. I began searching for overseas teaching opportunities soon after I came back from Uganda last year. I sent for more information at several schools, and by the time second semester rolled around, I began applying to several places—none of which were in Uganda. The only schools I found in Uganda wanted at least two years of experience. I applied for a job in Papa New Guinea, and filled out online profiles for several mission organizations that send teachers overseas. I received emails from some of them saying they wanted teachers with more experience, and I began to question whether it was even possible to go overseas so soon after graduating. I began applying for jobs around here, and had several interviews, all of which also told me they were choosing someone with more experience. Then one day, I checked my email, and saw a message from Heritage International School, a missionary school in Kampala, Uganda. The principal wrote and said she had somehow gotten my name (probably from one of the other sites I had signed up with) and wondered if I would be interested in coming to teach math this year. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. . . an offer to teach math in Uganda? The wheels started turning like crazy in my mind as I imagined going back. I will admit, a large part of me was convinced that this was not possible. I could not possibly graduate college and leave three months later to live in Uganda for a year. I tried to stop thinking about it, praying that God’s will would be done. The idea constantly stuck in my mind, though, and I just could not get rid of it. I spent a semester in Uganda experiencing the craziest of stories, watching everyone else thrive in the culture while I faced so many obstacles and challenges, and letting everyone in my group know that if there was one thing I learned from my time in Uganda, it was that I was NOT supposed to go back as a missionary. That place was not for me. Yes, I grew to love it eventually, and I am now incredibly thankful for every challenge I faced while I was there, because it later lead to a better understanding of their culture and a greater appreciation for life, and because it later became a wonderful testimony of God’s faithfulness, but to go back to that place on my own? The thought seems insane—complete and utter ridiculousness! Or is it?

I continued to research the opportunity, asking questions, asking advice from others, and praying. I grew confused and frustrated when I did not feel I was hearing a direct answer from God. Why couldn’t He just let me know whether or not He wanted this for me? Instead, I felt no direction whatsoever! Nearly every person I talked with encouraged me to go and reasoned by saying “You’re not tied down with marriage, you don’t yet have an apartment of your own, you don’t have a job here that you’d have to quit…why not go?” Still, I wanted to hear from God. I was reading through old emails and journal entries when I read a conversation with my leader from Uganda that took place last year. The essence of the conversation consisted of her explaining her opinion that sometimes God does not give us a direct yes or no answer, but provides several options, all of which He would be ok with. For her, she received a job offer in Los Angeles at the same time she received an offer to go teach in Uganda. She felt God would have been happy with her had she chosen LA over Uganda, as she felt she could have served Him equally in either location. She chose Uganda, and is still there today. I read a similar email from a good friend who basically said the same thing when I was contemplating whether or not to go to Uganda the first time around. Her words: “I believe God will be pleased with you whether you’re at school in Illinois or in Uganda. Maybe He is teaching you to step out on faith and do what you feel lead to do. Take a leap, go for it. But realize He won’t necessarily be disappointed if you don’t.” I don’t know if those words are 100% accurate. Maybe they’re completely off. But they were comforting then, just as they are now.

So, “why not go” soon became the words of my prayer. I had been praying for God to show me His will, and give me a clear answer for whether or not I should go, but my prayer changed as I realized He doesn’t always work that way. “Why not go, Lord?” I obviously had my doubts—like questioning whether I could really handle teaching six different classes each day, or whether I could raise enough money to survive for a year. Yesterday I found out the course load is down to four, and it might not cost as much to live there as originally thought. Two weeks ago, Sharon, one of the three girls I grew incredibly close with while in Uganda, married the Ugandan man she met on our rural homestay last year. They moved back to Uganda last week. Her husband told me at the wedding that he’s been praying I would accept the job because he knows how important it is for Sharon to have a close friend nearby when she moves away from everyone/everything she’s ever known and loved. Brooke, my leader in Uganda, shared that Uganda is a great place to live right now, with our American money being worth much more than it was when I was there. She explained that making “missionary friends” shouldn’t be a problem because there is an expatriate church that meets at the school I would teach at each week. She even said I could babysit her new son.  Every question/concern I had seemed to be answered positively, and the possibility seems more and more real. I emailed the principal earlier this week letting her know that I would like to come in the fall, assuming nothing changes between now and then.

While I do not believe I heard a definite “YES, you should go!” from the Lord, I also do not believe I heard any reason for not going. I recently received an email from a friend expressing that he believed that God’s answer was in my desire to teach overseas. He explained that God would not have placed a desire in my heart to teach overseas had it not been ok with Him, and that most likely, He placed this opportunity to go to Uganda in my life in order to fulfill the desire He put in my heart. If all goes as planned, two months from now I will be boarding a plane, leaving everyone I know and love behind, and starting another chapter in this life of mine—a terrifying chapter, but an exciting one, and one I know the Lord has in His hands. I sure never dreamed a year ago that I would be considering moving to Uganda, but sure enough, God works in ways we could never imagine, and it seems He’s done just that.

To go, or not to go?

It is likely that by this time next week, I will have an official offer from Heritage International School, a Christian missionary school in Kampala, Uganda. They'll offer me $500/month for what they say will only cover housing, and I will have to raise enough money to support myself in every other expense for the year. They want me to teach 7-12 grade. Six different math classes, six different lesson plans each day. I have no idea if this is what I'm supposed to do/if this is what God really wants for me. All I know to do is pray, and I've been doing that, so I guess we'll see where it leads me.

Pros:
UGANDA!!!
Missionary teaching has always been on my heart.
Sharon is moving there, too (in other words, I'd have a best friend nearby).
Uganda Christian University is close by (aka, the leaders I grew to love are near)

Cons:
Support raising could be difficult in today's economy
Six separate math classes is quite a lot to handle for a first year teacher, even according to experienced math profs at ONU!
I'd be making nothing, meaning when I came back, my student loans would still be here, and would have increased due to interest

There's probably many more in both of those categories, but those came off the top of my head. I've always heard God is not a God of confusion, but I must say, I really have no idea in this case. For now, I guess I just keep praying, and waiting, and trusting that He'll lead me where I need to go.