Straddling Two Worlds....

Well, my last update was a month and a half ago, and while there probably have been things I could write about, I just haven't actually sat down to write. And I'm not really this time either, so don't get too excited :-) I just finished writing a paper for the Uganda Studies Program about faith development during the semester. Near the end of the semester, they chose about ten of us to discuss our experiences in relation to our spiritual growth, and then asked us to submit a paper describing the process. Since I haven't thought of anything else to write about lately, I thought I'd post the paper. It's not much, but hey, it's an update! Enjoy.

Spiritual growth is something that, as Christians, we all strive for each and every day. If we are not growing in Christ, then our spiritual lives become stale and stagnant, even meaningless. The great thing about Christianity is it never grows old. Just when we think we have it all figured out, we will face new challenges, new questions, or new information that add to the knowledge and beliefs we already have. The learning and growth process should never stop. But contrary to what we would like, the spiritual growth we long for does not always happen on the mountaintops. Rather, it is through the challenging situations, through the unknown, and through questioning that the greatest growth takes place, at least in my life, and no time in my life thus far better describes that than my semester spent in Uganda.

Upon arriving in Uganda, I expected God to start working immediately, and I expected it to be big. After all, I was there for a reason, and that reason, I convinced myself, was so I could grow as a person and grow in Christ. But just days in to the semester, I slowly saw those expectations shattering, and as I asked myself what on earth I was doing there, I began to doubt God’s plan. When classes started and professors began to ask the tough questions about Christianity, I suddenly realized I knew much less than I thought I did, and I still had a lot to figure out. I did not have all of the answers, or any of them actually, and that caused my spiritual frustration to grow even more as I saw everything I once thought I knew and believed in being challenged and questioned. Not only were my expectations shattered, but many of my previous Christian beliefs were as well. It was not until late in the semester that I learned how beneficial that breaking down my beliefs actually was.

While my time in Uganda may have been challenging and frustrating many times, I would have it no other way. For it was through the challenges and the questioning that I found God. Struggling to enjoy life with my host family caused me to genuinely depend on God and trust in His plan. Being forced to discover that I do not have all of the answers when it comes to Christianity caused me to seek God for answers. While it was frustrating at times to have professors present us with questions and never provide us with answers, it caused me to really seek and discover answers on my own, which is something I had not before experienced in my life full of spoon-fed “Christian” answers. Had family life been great, had God showed up immediately in a big way, or had questions about faith been non-existent, I would have had no reason to seek God and learn to trust Him. It was only because of the challenging situations that I saw my desperate need for God and it was only through experiencing poverty hands-on that I saw the world’s urgent need for a loving God. It was through seeing a young girl begging for food on the side of the road and continuing to pass her by that I began questioning what it really means to be a Christian. It was by working through cultural differences that I learned how to look at every individual through the eyes of God. Had God done something drastic at the beginning of the semester, I would have missed the opportunity to learn to look for God in the small, everyday events of life. Had my family-life been wonderful throughout the entire trip, I would have missed experiencing the amazing power of prayer when the situation turned completely around. So while it may seem, and I may have felt at times as if my time in Uganda completely shattered my faith-life, I would have to say the opposite is true. Yes, I experienced many times of spiritual frustration as well as many challenging situations. Yes, I grew unsure of the true meaning of Christianity. Yes, I realized how little I actually know about Christianity, and I questioned God throughout most of the semester, but that, I have learned, is the beauty of spiritual growth. Only God could take such challenging situations and such frustration and turn it in to such spiritual growth. My faith did not grow because I saw God acting in big ways. It did not grow because life was easy and I thanked God for that. It did not grow because I found all of the answers. It grew because He brought me through the challenges, He allowed me to seek Him for answers, and He taught me to trust in Him despite difficult situations. Perhaps one of the biggest lessons I learned when it comes to faith is that I will never have it all figured out, and I will never have all of the answers, and that is ok. Perhaps I could have learned all of these lessons in America, but I truly believe it was the situations I faced that caused me to seek God and discover the God of the whole world rather than keeping Him in the American box. Sure, it was a semester full of challenges, but looking back, I would not have it any other way.