The Story of Uganda--the second time around

This is a ridiculously long post, just to warn you :)

I have always heard that God has a sense of humor. I have always heard that God works in the ways we least expect Him to. Now I know that both are true. Just over a year ago I was constantly answering the question, “When will you come back to our country?” by saying a routine, “I don’t know, that’s up to God, but I sure would love to come back.” All the while I was actually thinking, “Are you kidding? I doubt I’ll ever come back. I’ve loved my time here, but coming back? I don’t think so.” God does have a sense of humor, though, because soon after I returned home, I began to sense a desire in my heart to teach overseas, and while I was open to going anywhere, I felt the strongest desire was to go back to Uganda.

At times I questioned whether that desire came from missing the relationships I developed in Uganda and the experiences I had there, or whether I truly had a passion for the place and really wanted to go back. After all, I made three awesome life-long friends while I was there, and developed bonds that could only come from the unique experiences we shared together. I grew incredibly close to a great leader, and constantly benefitted from her encouragement and support. I constantly reminded myself that going back would be entirely different, as thirty-five other American students would not accompany me, and I would not have the three best friends that I left with. But the desire still remained, and continued to grow even stronger, and I knew it was for real.

Another part of me questioned my motivation for wanting to go back. Maybe it wasn’t from God at all. Maybe instead it was a selfish desire. My first trip there resulted in the opportunity to share my stories with a huge number of people that I probably never would have communicated with had I not been in Uganda. I enjoyed that. I loved writing my stories and sharing them with so many others. I loved reading their responses, and being amazing by how many people were praying for me and encouraging me. Maybe what I was desiring was to once again be in contact with such a large number of encouraging people.

Let’s get back to God’s sense of humor, though, and how He works in ways we would never imagine. I began searching for overseas teaching opportunities soon after I came back from Uganda last year. I sent for more information at several schools, and by the time second semester rolled around, I began applying to several places—none of which were in Uganda. The only schools I found in Uganda wanted at least two years of experience. I applied for a job in Papa New Guinea, and filled out online profiles for several mission organizations that send teachers overseas. I received emails from some of them saying they wanted teachers with more experience, and I began to question whether it was even possible to go overseas so soon after graduating. I began applying for jobs around here, and had several interviews, all of which also told me they were choosing someone with more experience. Then one day, I checked my email, and saw a message from Heritage International School, a missionary school in Kampala, Uganda. The principal wrote and said she had somehow gotten my name (probably from one of the other sites I had signed up with) and wondered if I would be interested in coming to teach math this year. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. . . an offer to teach math in Uganda? The wheels started turning like crazy in my mind as I imagined going back. I will admit, a large part of me was convinced that this was not possible. I could not possibly graduate college and leave three months later to live in Uganda for a year. I tried to stop thinking about it, praying that God’s will would be done. The idea constantly stuck in my mind, though, and I just could not get rid of it. I spent a semester in Uganda experiencing the craziest of stories, watching everyone else thrive in the culture while I faced so many obstacles and challenges, and letting everyone in my group know that if there was one thing I learned from my time in Uganda, it was that I was NOT supposed to go back as a missionary. That place was not for me. Yes, I grew to love it eventually, and I am now incredibly thankful for every challenge I faced while I was there, because it later lead to a better understanding of their culture and a greater appreciation for life, and because it later became a wonderful testimony of God’s faithfulness, but to go back to that place on my own? The thought seems insane—complete and utter ridiculousness! Or is it?

I continued to research the opportunity, asking questions, asking advice from others, and praying. I grew confused and frustrated when I did not feel I was hearing a direct answer from God. Why couldn’t He just let me know whether or not He wanted this for me? Instead, I felt no direction whatsoever! Nearly every person I talked with encouraged me to go and reasoned by saying “You’re not tied down with marriage, you don’t yet have an apartment of your own, you don’t have a job here that you’d have to quit…why not go?” Still, I wanted to hear from God. I was reading through old emails and journal entries when I read a conversation with my leader from Uganda that took place last year. The essence of the conversation consisted of her explaining her opinion that sometimes God does not give us a direct yes or no answer, but provides several options, all of which He would be ok with. For her, she received a job offer in Los Angeles at the same time she received an offer to go teach in Uganda. She felt God would have been happy with her had she chosen LA over Uganda, as she felt she could have served Him equally in either location. She chose Uganda, and is still there today. I read a similar email from a good friend who basically said the same thing when I was contemplating whether or not to go to Uganda the first time around. Her words: “I believe God will be pleased with you whether you’re at school in Illinois or in Uganda. Maybe He is teaching you to step out on faith and do what you feel lead to do. Take a leap, go for it. But realize He won’t necessarily be disappointed if you don’t.” I don’t know if those words are 100% accurate. Maybe they’re completely off. But they were comforting then, just as they are now.

So, “why not go” soon became the words of my prayer. I had been praying for God to show me His will, and give me a clear answer for whether or not I should go, but my prayer changed as I realized He doesn’t always work that way. “Why not go, Lord?” I obviously had my doubts—like questioning whether I could really handle teaching six different classes each day, or whether I could raise enough money to survive for a year. Yesterday I found out the course load is down to four, and it might not cost as much to live there as originally thought. Two weeks ago, Sharon, one of the three girls I grew incredibly close with while in Uganda, married the Ugandan man she met on our rural homestay last year. They moved back to Uganda last week. Her husband told me at the wedding that he’s been praying I would accept the job because he knows how important it is for Sharon to have a close friend nearby when she moves away from everyone/everything she’s ever known and loved. Brooke, my leader in Uganda, shared that Uganda is a great place to live right now, with our American money being worth much more than it was when I was there. She explained that making “missionary friends” shouldn’t be a problem because there is an expatriate church that meets at the school I would teach at each week. She even said I could babysit her new son.  Every question/concern I had seemed to be answered positively, and the possibility seems more and more real. I emailed the principal earlier this week letting her know that I would like to come in the fall, assuming nothing changes between now and then.

While I do not believe I heard a definite “YES, you should go!” from the Lord, I also do not believe I heard any reason for not going. I recently received an email from a friend expressing that he believed that God’s answer was in my desire to teach overseas. He explained that God would not have placed a desire in my heart to teach overseas had it not been ok with Him, and that most likely, He placed this opportunity to go to Uganda in my life in order to fulfill the desire He put in my heart. If all goes as planned, two months from now I will be boarding a plane, leaving everyone I know and love behind, and starting another chapter in this life of mine—a terrifying chapter, but an exciting one, and one I know the Lord has in His hands. I sure never dreamed a year ago that I would be considering moving to Uganda, but sure enough, God works in ways we could never imagine, and it seems He’s done just that.

To go, or not to go?

It is likely that by this time next week, I will have an official offer from Heritage International School, a Christian missionary school in Kampala, Uganda. They'll offer me $500/month for what they say will only cover housing, and I will have to raise enough money to support myself in every other expense for the year. They want me to teach 7-12 grade. Six different math classes, six different lesson plans each day. I have no idea if this is what I'm supposed to do/if this is what God really wants for me. All I know to do is pray, and I've been doing that, so I guess we'll see where it leads me.

Pros:
UGANDA!!!
Missionary teaching has always been on my heart.
Sharon is moving there, too (in other words, I'd have a best friend nearby).
Uganda Christian University is close by (aka, the leaders I grew to love are near)

Cons:
Support raising could be difficult in today's economy
Six separate math classes is quite a lot to handle for a first year teacher, even according to experienced math profs at ONU!
I'd be making nothing, meaning when I came back, my student loans would still be here, and would have increased due to interest

There's probably many more in both of those categories, but those came off the top of my head. I've always heard God is not a God of confusion, but I must say, I really have no idea in this case. For now, I guess I just keep praying, and waiting, and trusting that He'll lead me where I need to go.

Last year at this time I was in Rwanda. I've been thinking a LOT about my semester in Uganda lately, and remembering things I haven't thought about since they happened a year ago. After spending three months in Uganda, I was amazed by the modern American-like city in Rwanda. The change was immediate after crossing the border. Suddenly the sickness in my stomach disappeared because we were no longer traveling on bumpy, dusty, dirt roads that seemed nearly impassable, but we were on a freshly paved smooth road. We were surrounded by scenery that was even more beautiful than Uganda. I remember questioning how one simple border could result in such a drastic change, and I remember the answer to the question suddenly hitting me: This country, Rwanda, is brand new, for only 14 years earlier it was completely destroyed by a massive genocide. Every person we saw who was over the age of 14 was a survivor and had lived through the unimaginable horror. The paved roads, the large brand new buildings, the trees and flowers, and even the stoplights (yes, there were stop lights!) only existed because they were first destroyed. And I never saw it before, because I only chose to look at the negative side, but what a parallel to our lives in Christ! Because of the destruction and horrible death Christ suffered, our lives can be reconstructed and created to be beautiful. How amazing is that?

Ok, maybe that's a big stretch. Maybe it's not really a correct parallel at all. But it seems to make sense to me. Rwanda was a fine country before the genocide occurred. But then tragedy struck--unimaginable, horrifying, heartbreaking tragedy--and it seemed all hope was lost for the country as many wondered how they could ever face the world again after such loss and torture. But look at them now! Not only was the physical side of the country breathtakingly beautiful, but so were the survivors, and the stories of forgiveness and hope. What a testimony to hear 20 year old students explain that they watched their entire families get beaten to death, and yet they have managed to completely forgive the murderers. No, I'm not saying that Rwanda should have had to face a genocide in order to become a beautiful country full of forgiveness and love, and I'm not saying that it requires a tragedy to make something beautiful out of life. What I am saying is that I suddenly see the demonstration that God is able to turn the worst horrors imaginable into something beautiful, and He does the same with our lives, as a result of His own death.

It's been a tough year, for a number of reasons, in many people's lives around us, including my own. But maybe this realization, even if it is completely off-base, is God's way of reminding me that no matter what we're facing, He will make it beautiful. Whatever is challenging us now, He's got something better for us ahead. As I look back on the past several years of life, I think about the many new situations I spent so much time worrying about....starting college, going to Uganda, living with new roommates, and student teaching...all things I feared/dreaded to begin with, but in the end, were WONDERFUL experiences!

I don't know....just thinking...and this is what came out. Who knows. I'm not even sure why I wrote this on here...I'm pretty sure no one reads it anymore anyway! Oh well. I love writing :) And I love Uganda, and miss it, and want to go back. . . even if they pour water all over you on your birthday!

Ok, that's all. Enough thinking for today!

Peace

Yes, it has been months since I have written, and no, I doubt there's anyone out there who still checks this thing, but I'm writing nonetheless, if not for someone else, than for my own sake.

Life's been challenging lately. I thought last semester in Uganda was tough, but this semester has presented it's own challenges I never even imagined I'd be facing. Health concerns keep me up each night and make it hard to function some days. Today is one of those days. School seems overwhelming at the moment and I wonder if things will ever get done. Living with my two roommates this semester isn't working out the way we'd all planned, and life just really seems to be taking it's toll on me.

And then I begin reading through parts of my Uganda journal because I'm speaking twice in classes this week about my time there, and I come to a quote from an MCC worker.

"Peace is when you can sleep in your hut without locking your door and wake up in the morning and didn't get beaten."

I read that and realize just how much I miss Uganda and all of the people there. Because they never took the time to complain about their problems. They lived lives of joy no matter what they were facing. No matter what challenges came their way, they simply gave thanks to the Lord and remained joyful, always being confident that the Lord would provide.

Maybe I have reason to complain, maybe I don't. I keep telling everyone I'd just like to feel "normal" again for one day and be free from whatever health issues I'm facing. I'd just like to know that I'm going to graduate and figure out what I'm supposed to do. I'd just like to make it through the week. But if I really stop and pause to think about that definition of peace compared to my own, I might realize that I already have peace. I can rest peacefully in the arms of my Savior because He promises to provide for me what I need, and to give rest to the weary and strength to the weak.

We recently filled out our housing forms for next semester. I remember checking the box last year at this time that said "I will not be attending" and explaining that I'd be studying abroad. I remember being nervous and terrified of what I was getting myself into. And now that it's over, I wish I could be checking that box again, going back to the place that taught me about peace and dependence on God. I sure do miss it there. But until I'm called back, I suppose all I can do is let my experiences there continue to teach me here.

Uganda, NJA KUSALIRWA!

I've now been back at Olivet for one week due to student teaching stuff. School starts Wednesday. Now, I must say, I love Olivet and the atmosphere it provides, but part of me wishes my semester abroad could begin all over again. I wish instead of going to class Wednesday I'd be jumping on a plane, meeting 40 new incredible friends from all across America, and traveling 30 hours to arrive in Uganda. The apprehension felt in the time leading up to departure, the nervousness felt as I met new people and arrived at my new host family's home, and the fear that overcame me the minute I was alone with them would all be worth it if I could just go back again. But for now, I suppose the giant Uganda flag and pictures from the semester that are covering my apartment walls, the occasional emails from my host sister telling me hilarious stories learned at school, just like old times, and my poor attempts at making rice, g-nut sauce, and chapatis will have to do. Uganda, "Nja kusalirwa!" (Uganda, I miss you)